I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize