dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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