If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
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