3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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