Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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