i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Randomize
