so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
