my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Randomize
