So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
no, he came in my armpit
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize