He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
