Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
