She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
