So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
