I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
