I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
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