i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Randomize
