i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
