thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
