all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
