Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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