Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
