im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
