i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
