meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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