Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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