if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Randomize
