Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
