Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
