Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize