Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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