probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
