If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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