I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
