remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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