The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
