It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
