$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
