It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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