Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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