i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
he quoted the bible to break up with me
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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