babies were throwing up all over the place
No more Irish car bombs ever.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
