I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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