I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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