Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
