I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
