I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
