I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Randomize
