Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Randomize
