Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
