laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
