Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
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