...so i touched it.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
