this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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