If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
