omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
