Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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