So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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