so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
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