just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
