My nipple is on Facebook.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
