GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
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