I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize