The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Randomize
