my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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