Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Randomize
