Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Randomize
