I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
