Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Randomize
