Midget sex pt 2 tonight
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
