My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
